A SATURDAY NIGHT LIKE NO OTHER
(an oldie, but a goodie)
Originally published: Monday, February 19, 2007
Current mood: sick
Category: Life
I was looking forward to this past Saturday night all week last week. My friend, Wade, and I had a plan to polish off a bottle of Chopin and watch movies on his cool new huge flat screen. He drank much more than me (he’s a lot bigger, too, being like 6’6”), but we finished it. There was just that little drop in the corner when I tipped it sideways to see if it was empty before placing it in the recycle. But, let me start from the beginning…
It was 6:30 PM on Saturday and I was having a bit of a tantrum in my room because I didn't want to wear anything I had in my closet. I only wanted what was on my laundry room floor (dirty) or anything that involved the new black boots I just ordered online which, unfortunately, I hadn't received yet. I finally said, "Screw it. I am wearing my PJ's." I was eventually going to be changing into them anyway because I wasn't going to drive home late after drinking. So, I put on my pink t-shirt with my white kickball tee over that and my grey hoodie with my new favorite grey VS PJ bottoms with pink, lime, red, navy and yellow stripes on them, my pink Diesel sneaks and my pink down vest. I was comfortable and fashionable. AND there was no need for extra clothes and taking time to change and bringing a bag and all that. Smart, right? Plus, I looked like the super cool, low-maintenance girl. Slick.
Soon after I arrived, we left and went to Blockbuster to get a movie. We laughed the whole way there and back and when we got back to his place started drinking dirty martinis. We had some snacks, started watching 'Running With Scissors', but talked pretty much the whole way through which is fine because I really wanted to read the book first anyway, then we turned on SNL. I was so happy to see that it was the one with Justin Timberlake because I forgot to save it to my DVR the last time. I loved "My Dick In A Box" as much as the next person, but I really wanted it for the Homelessville & Target skits. Funny stuff! By the time that was over, the vodka was gone. So, we busted open the 12-pack. We went outside for smokey treats, then we were both pretty tired so we opted not to finish the movie and hit the hay.
I woke up around 2 AM feeling pretty nauseous. I was on the inside part of the bed, so I couldn't just roll off the side. I had to uncover, then scoot down the bed which took extra time. His house is kind of like one of those New Orleans shotgun style houses-long and narrow, so I had a ways to go before I made it to the bathroom. Once I made it there, I was still really disoriented from just waking up and I couldn't find the light switch. I was running my hands all over three walls, then finally couldn't hold back anymore. I threw up all over the floor, shower, shower curtain, rugs, toilet, walls, everything. It was coming out so fast and furious that it splashed pretty bad on the ceramic tile. I finally found the light switch and was very displeased at the sight of what looked like a puke-bomb having gone off. It reaked and I wasn't feeling any better. My sweatshirt wasn’t in great shape, either. My pants appeared to be puke-free and I needed to keep them that way, so I had to take them off because I had nothing to change in to. So, I was cleaning the bathroom in my underwear and the 2 t-shirts I had on which I managed to keep clean. I had to plunge the toilet from all the toilet paper I had used to wipe up the floor (the paper towels were gone by that time). I had to throw my socks away. I got everything cleaned, then I had to get myself cleaned up. It took about 45 minutes for all of that. I put my PJ pants back on and went in to wake my friend up. He muttered something about hotel lobby artwork in his sleep, but I finally shook him to consciousness enough for him to tell me where the washing machine was located. It was in the big, dark basement which, for me especially, was an extra treat. I hate basements and I hate the dark.
I got everything (the towels, washcloths, rug and shower curtain) in the washer, then went back to bed. It only took about 5 minutes, then the second wave hit me. I left the light on this time. I was forced to remove another shirt. Thank God I had one more on. I went back to lay down, but decided to stick with the couch as it was much closer to the bathroom. I fell asleep for a little while, but woke up and couldn't stop moaning as I was in such excruciating pain. There was nothing left in my body to throw up. I would take sips of water, then just run to the bathroom. It was awful. I was so dehydrated and so thirsty, but I knew if I drank anything it was just going to come right back up. I would start dry heaving and that sucks, too. I couldn't win. My chest still hurts from all of it. After my third intense round, my friend woke up and felt awful for not being aware of what was going on. I think he could sleep through Armageddon. He was snoring pretty loudly, so I knew he was in a deep sleep, but I was making so much noise. He had had a rough week and a tough day of traveling (Quebec) the day before, so he was exhausted then was wasted and on the verge of a massive hangover.
He took very good care of me until I went back to sleep, but I kept waking up every little while to make trips to the bathroom followed by painful moaning until I could pass out again. I finally realized that this probably had much less to do with the vodka and much more to do with a really bad stomach flu. It wasn't until nearly noon that I could get off the couch and drive my sorry ass home. I borrowed shirts and socks. I had to work at 1. I called them on my way home and they did need me (COACH bastards), so I got myself ready in about 20 minutes and went over there. I wasn't fevered, so I thought I would be okay. About 15 minutes after I got there, I couldn't stand up anymore. I left at 2, came home and crashed.
I have been well taken care of since then, but this flu is a bastard. I have a really high fever and I can't believe how rough this has been. I haven't been sick in forever, so I don't know what to do with myself. It's nice being taken care of once in a while, but I hate not staying busy and being stuck in bed. I guess it's kind of like a vacation, but with aches and pains. Anyway, that was my lovely Saturday night. I hope no one else ever experiences something so wretched while being at someone else's house. Although, he says his bathroom has never been so clean. I scrubbed everything down with bleach. I’m not sure he wants to hang out with me that much now that I have given him the flu, too. I called my mother and told her the story on my drive home and she was laughing hysterically. Thanks, Mom.
Hey, does anyone else get excited when they're sick wondering how much weight they just lost and feel like a night of vomiting is a great jump start to a new diet plan? I couldn't wait to weigh myself after everything was over. Wow, I'm twisted.
PS...The UPS guy just came and I got my new boots. I did get up long enough to try them on. I love them.
Currently watching : The L Word - The Complete Third Season
Release date: By 24 October, 2006
